Have you ever felt it? That quiet, persistent hum of ‘not-enoughness’ that settles deep in the bones. It is a feeling that can surface in a boardroom, during a family gathering, or in the quiet moments before sleep. It whispers that you are an imposter, that your ways are not sophisticated enough, that your beauty is not the right kind of beauty.
For many of us, particularly Black women of the diaspora, this feeling is a constant companion. We often mistake it for a personal failing, a flaw in our own character.
But I invite you today to consider a different truth. What if that shame is not yours at all? What if it is a heavy, borrowed cloak, passed down through generations, stitched together by the threads of history?
This is the weight of colonial inheritance: a deeply embedded, systemic shame designed to disconnect us from our power, our wisdom, and our divinity. The most sacred work we can do is to finally set it down, to lovingly and intentionally release what was never ours to carry.
This journey of release is the very heart of our work at Fematin958 Intl. It is a path of liberation that unfolds in three sacred phases: The Remembering, The Unveiling, and The Reclaiming.
The Remembering: Understanding the Roots of Inherited Shame
To heal a wound, we must first understand its origin. The shame we carry is not random; it was a deliberate tool of colonisation. Colonialism was more than a physical conquest of lands and resources; it was a war on the mind and spirit.
It operated by creating a hierarchy of humanity, placing whiteness and European culture at the pinnacle and systematically devaluing everything else.
Our languages were dismissed as primitive dialects. Our rich spiritual traditions, rooted in a profound respect for nature and ancestry, were branded as paganism and witchcraft. Our family structures, often communal and matriarchal, were condemned as uncivilised.
Our bodies, our hair, our features, were deemed inferior against a Eurocentric standard of beauty. This was not just an attack, it was a deep psychological programming designed to make us believe in our own inferiority. It was a strategy to make us compliant by making us ashamed of who we were.3
The scholar Dr. Joy DeGruy speaks powerfully to this phenomenon in her groundbreaking work on Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome (PTSS). She explains how generations of trauma, oppression, and systemic devaluation have resulted in adaptive behaviours and internalised beliefs that are passed down.
While her work focuses on the specific context of chattel slavery in the Americas, the core principles resonate across the diaspora. DeGruy identifies key aspects like ‘vacant esteem’ (feeling worthless) and ‘ever present anger’ which are direct consequences of this historical wounding.
Inherited shame is a cornerstone of this trauma. It is the internalisation of the coloniser’s voice, a ghost that continues to haunt the collective consciousness long after the physical colonisers have left.
Think of it like a story whispered from one generation to the next, so quietly we do not even realise we are listening. It is the grandmother who insists on straightening her granddaughter’s hair, not out of malice, but from a learned belief that coily hair is unprofessional or untidy.
It is the uncle who shies away from speaking his mother tongue, ashamed of an accent that was once mocked. This is not their fault. It is the echo of a system that taught them their heritage was a source of shame, not strength. The first step towards our freedom is to remember this. We must remember that the shame did not begin with us.
The Unveiling: Seeing How Shame Manifests Today
Once we remember the origin, we can begin the work of The Unveiling. This phase requires gentle but honest self-observation. It is about switching on the light in the rooms of our lives and seeing where this inherited shame has taken up residence. It often hides in plain sight, disguised as ambition, humility, or even common sense.
Here are some of the ways this colonial inheritance manifests in our daily lives:
- Pervasive Imposter Syndrome: Do you ever feel like a fraud in professional or academic spaces, constantly waiting to be “found out”? This is a classic symptom. We feel we do not belong in these rooms because the system was not built for us. We carry the unconscious belief that our presence is an exception, not a right.
- Chronic Perfectionism and Over-functioning: The belief that we must be twice as good to get half as far is a heavy burden. It forces us into a state of relentless striving, where any mistake is not just a mistake, but a confirmation of the negative stereotypes projected onto us. We work ourselves to exhaustion trying to prove a worth that should never have been in question.
- Cultural Cringe and Disconnection: This can be subtle. It might be a hesitation to cook the traditional foods of your ancestors for fear they smell too strong. It could be an internalised judgment against the vibrant, expressive way our people communicate. Or it might be a deep-seated fear of exploring ancestral spiritual practices, a fear planted by colonial religions that demonised them.
- Body Image and Beauty Standards: For centuries, Black women have been in a battle against a beauty ideal that excludes us. The shame associated with our skin colour, hair texture, and body shapes is a direct legacy of colonialism. We spend fortunes and countless hours trying to contort ourselves to fit a standard that was designed to invalidate us.
- Difficulty Receiving and Resting: The colonial project positioned Black bodies as tools for labour. This has translated into a deep, internalised resistance to rest, pleasure, and receiving support. We often feel we must constantly be productive to justify our existence, seeing rest as a luxury rather than a divine necessity for our wellbeing.
Unveiling these patterns is not an act of self-criticism. It is an act of profound compassion. It is about looking at these behaviours and saying, “I see you. I understand where you came from. You were a survival strategy, but you no longer serve me.”
The Reclaiming: The Sacred Journey Back to Self
This is where the true alchemy begins. The Reclaiming is the active, intentional process of replacing the narratives of shame with the truths of our inherent divinity and ancestral strength. This is not a quick fix; it is a lifelong, sacred practice of returning home to yourself.
The work of reclaiming your power involves conscious and soulful action. It is about creating new rituals and new ways of being. You can begin this journey by:
- Honouring Your Ancestors: Create a small altar or sacred space in your home. It does not need to be elaborate. A candle, a glass of water, a photograph or name of an ancestor is enough. Speak to them. Thank them for their resilience. Ask for their guidance in releasing the burdens they were forced to carry, so that you and the generations to come may be free.
- Speaking Truth to the Shame: When the voice of shame arises, learn to greet it with curiosity instead of belief. Ask it: “Whose voice are you, really? Who taught you to speak to me this way?” By separating yourself from the voice, you reclaim your power over it. This is not your voice; it is a historical echo.
- Reconnecting with Your Culture: Find joy and pride in the very things that were once shamed. Cook the traditional meal. Learn a few words of your ancestral language. Play the music of your people. Wear the colours, fabrics, and styles that feel like home. Each act is a revolutionary statement of self-love and cultural pride.
- Embracing Your Spiritual Heritage: If you feel called, begin to explore the spiritual traditions of your lineage with an open heart. Read books, find trusted elders, or join communities that are respectfully reviving these practices. Our ancestral spirituality is a deep well of wisdom, healing, and empowerment that has been waiting patiently for our return.
- Finding Community: Healing happens in connection, not isolation. Surround yourself with other Black women who are on this journey. Share your stories, witness each other’s truths, and hold space for the complex emotions that arise. In community, we remember we are not alone in our struggles or our triumphs.
Releasing colonial shame is a radical act of liberation. It is a declaration that you will no longer carry the weight of a history that tried to break your spirit.
You are the descendant of kings and queens, of healers and warriors, of visionaries and survivors. Everything you need to heal and to thrive is already encoded within your spirit and your DNA.
This journey is not about erasing the past. It is about integrating its lessons without being imprisoned by its pain. It is about standing in your full dignity, knowing that your worth is absolute and has never been up for debate.
The cloak of shame is heavy, but your spirit is stronger. Let us begin the sacred work of setting it down, together. Your ancestors, and your future, are waiting.
